Understanding the Grief Caused by Career Transitions

Not All Career Transitions are Created Equal.

If the Covid pandemic has taught us anything it has taught us that, “one thing that is constant is change.” The entire planet has experienced a profound shift of consciousness. For a period of a few months, everything came to a standstill, and this offered all of us a time to just go within and think. The number of transitions caused by the pandemic are too numerous to list in this article, but the overarching theme is that we had plenty of time to pause, reflect and look at our lives and what really matters to us.

There were all sorts of transitions that arose from the pandemic, from the overworked front-line responders, to the people who could easily transfer to working from home, to the people whose jobs evaporated overnight. Many people had time to reflect on what matters most and they moved to new locations, clustered closer to their families or changed careers altogether. This pandemic transition and its long-term effects merit further study.

Transitions Are Not One Size Fits All

A transition looks very different to a “25-year career veteran with one company employee” than to a two-year employee starting their career. The older person finds their life upended overnight. House mortgage, 2-3 kids (maybe in college) car payments – how are they going to manage without the income, or the health insurance? Layer on top of that technological advances that have occurred in the past 25 years , and there becomes a lot to learn.

Not all transitions are created equally. Some are minor changes and others occur to us like the world is caving in on us. My experience was the latter. I was dealing with job loss while caring for my mother with Alzheimer’s, eventually moving her into a care facility. During some of my job transitions, I also dealt with my personal health issues and continuing financial strains due to the downsizings.

Life Disruptors versus Life Quakes

A very interesting definition of types of transitions is outlined by Bruce Feiler in his book, Life is in the Transitions. He makes the distinction between life disruptors and life quakes. He defines a disruptor as an, “event or experience that interrupts the everyday flow of one’s life.” He goes on to say, “Many disruptors, like having or adopting a child, or starting a new job are not necessarily negative, but they can still be disruptive. Even the typically negative life events like losing a spouse or being terminated can become the catalysts for reinvention. Disruptors are deviations from daily life.”

Additionally, he defines life quakes as, “events that upend our lives exponentially worse than everyday disruptors. Life quakes involve a fundamental shift in the meaning, purpose or direction of a person’s life. It is a forceful burst of change in one’s life that leads to a period of upheaval, transition and renewal.” A health diagnosis, job loss, divorce, death of a loved one can all be considered life quakes. In the end though, it is really how one classifies these events in their lives, and how much change comes as a result. Some people move through a divorce or health issue directly and put it behind them and move on. For others, it is a defining moment that shifts their lives. Nevertheless, both life disruptors and life quakes can be the catalyst for transitions.

Job Loss and Transitions

The subject of job loss is one that I am all too familiar with, having experienced five downsizings in a 10-year span from February 2004 to May 2014. This occurred approximately every other year for 10 years. Two of the layoffs were due to division closings, and the other three were due to eliminating the position in a corporate reorganization. The impact of these job losses has had a profound effect on my life, both spiritually and financially.

As I went through each of these downsizings, sometimes I had an outplacement structure and sometimes not. I found that the outplacement arena was not a safe haven for sharing the range of emotions I was feeling. I also participated in various job search work teams, and none of them addressed the emotional side of the job search, nor helped to give me solace for what I was feeling. The focus was all about numbers on the board, interviews, networking calls, resume critiques, etc. These are all important tactical steps; however, they do not help with the emotional support needed to navigate through this uncertain time.

Spiritual Changes and Awareness

Nevertheless, spiritually these events helped to cause for me a profound shift in consciousness to be more mindful and embark on a much deeper and inward personal spiritual journey. I explored all types of modalities to find emotional solace and attempt to get to the root of, “why is this happening to me?” I delved into spiritual reading and found Buddhist teachings very enlightening. I created a quiet space in my home for meditation. I actively journaled about my experiences, feelings and thoughts.

I learned about the law of attraction and setting an intention for the vision of the new position I wanted. I have maintained this practice all these years, and still actively use these supportive spiritual measures.

I believe strongly that each person should tailor mindfulness practices to their own beliefs and lifestyles. Different modalities appeal to different people. In this blog, I will present some thoughts on how to navigate through the grief at the time of transition.

The first step at the time of a job transition (whether involuntary or voluntary) is to pause and understand that this life changing event will cause a sense of loss. Even if one does not like their job and considers it a stress relief not to be going to work anymore, this event is still ranked in the top 10 of life-changing stressors. Because of this change, it is important to take time to reflect and process through the change and understand the impact on line’s life. This step is crucial before moving on.

Seven Types of Loss

It is important during the inevitable changes in one’s life journey to be able to understand human natural resistance to change. Change can be a most unwelcome visitor. Charles Dhanaraj and George Kohlrieser write for McKinsey consulting in their article, The Hidden Perils of Unresolved Grief, and say, “at the most fundamental levels the experience of grief is one such example of a resistance to change.”

As patterns change in life, there are many conflicting emotions brought on by the shift in a familiar routine. McKinsey outlines seven losses that occur at the time of a job elimination. One tends to feel many of these losses at this time. Below I break down the seven losses and some information about them.

1. Loss of Attachment: This includes the question, “Who am I connected to?” A job loss causes a break in connection with the familiar. Daily routines are disrupted. There is a loss of community in not being able to see colleagues on a regular basis.
2. Loss of Territory: This includes the question, “Where do I belong?” A job loss causes an instability in belonging. Once part of a team structure, leaving the familiar disrupts the “normal” one had been used to.
3. Loss of Structure: This includes the question, “What is my role?” The role is eliminated; thus, there is a loss of feeling involved and valued. The question arises, how does one regain the feeling of involvement and being a valued contributor?
4. Loss of Identity: This includes the question, “Who am I?” This life event causes one to re-evaluate who they are, their values and goals. Is one’s values changing? Have old beliefs fallen away and are new thoughts more important? This is especially true as one ages and approaches later chapters of their career.
5. Loss of Future: This includes the question, “Where am I going?” This event offers the chance to change direction. The question becomes, what direction do I want to go or should I go in? Transitions give the opportunity to ponder this question in great depth and detail.
6. Loss of Meaning: This includes the question, “What is the point?” One re-evaluates their life’s purpose during a job loss. Loss of meaning can contribute to a sense of being lost, not knowing where to turn next. All of a sudden as the situation shifts, one starts to think of deeper probing questions about what adventure would best be suited to find a greater clarity around purpose.
7. Loss of Control: This includes the statement, “I feel overwhelmed.” one feels out of control with the job loss. All the disruptions, especially the ones related to security, can paralyze people. The feeling of being out of control can lead to grief and depression.

In our society the word “grief” is typically associated with deep sorrow of losing a loved one who has died. However, there are other life circumstances that can produce profound sorrow and grief such as the loss of employment. The loss of a job is quite stressful, and the “event” itself can set off a cycle of grief. When one loses their job, they lose a community of colleagues with whom they have interacted on a regular basis. There is also a loss of familiar routine as well as the economic impact.

The economic impact for most people can be the most devastating. It is important to understand that the impact of this event can cause sorrow and grief in one’s life. Grief is a normal human response to such a life event and should not be taken lightly or left unattended. However, given the right mindfulness, grief can also be managed, reconciled and overcome.

Stephen Levine writes in his book Unattended Sorrow – Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart, saying, “Nothing is more natural than grief, no emotion more common to our daily experience. It’s an innate response to a loss in a world where everything is impermanent.” If grief is left unattended and the subsequent feelings are not acknowledged and processed, the inaction can cause a multitude of emotional and physical side effects.

These side effects can include disturbed sleep, lowered energy, loss of self-confidence, loss of social interaction, loss of appetite and the risk of leaning toward addition. Levine continues, “unresolved grief is like a low-grade fever. It flows in peaks and valleys. Sometimes it spikes into almost overwhelming afflictive emotions; at other times it lies almost dormant, nearly comatose, just beneath the surface, until a shadow crosses the heart and releases it.” Clearly, Levine brings to light the consequences both emotionally and physically of holding in sorrow. Taking the time to understand and process through grief is of paramount importance to one’s well-being.

In order for one to move through the sorrow and grief of a job loss, it is crucial to understand the “Five Stages of Grief.” One of the most well-known books on this topic is On Grief and Grieving by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross MD, and David Kessler. In this book, Dr. Kubler-Ross defines the five stages of grief as:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

These five stages, “are part of a framework that makes up our learning to live with what we have lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling; however, they are not stops on a linear timeline in grief. Not everyone goes through all of them or goes in a prescribed order.”

Understanding the Five Stages of Grief can enable one to process through the loss and start to move forward with their life. Knowing that one is moving through the stages can give hope to a traumatic situation. One can feel that they are moving forward one step at a time each day or in a few days or a week. It is important to acknowledge and process through this grief. A good understanding of what one is feeling emotionally will help to make each person stronger as they move through the stages of transition.

Once one has reached the acceptance stage then they can begin to look at new resources to help them on the next leg of their life story. Losing a job is like having something abruptly taken away, never to return. It is a shock to the system. Coping with the grief helps to set the stage for the healing process and the next stage of the journey. If you would like to know more about how my company can help you through this process, please contact me. I look forward to sharing the tools to build a solid foundation to stabilize the various life stages.

Check out our other blogs on career transitions and coping with the emotional side of job transitions. Be sure to sign up for our email list to receive a free copy of our Top 10 Things to do when you are Downsized and Supportive Reading Resources for Transitions. As always, please feel free to reach out to us with any questions or thoughts at support@mindfuljobalignment.com. Also, you can leave your comments below. We’d love to hear from you!

By: Diana C. Stephens, PhD